CHAPTER FIVE

A chill filled the room. Michael reached for the afghan and covered himself with it. It was still early evening. San Francisco weather varied throughout the city. He usually dressed for the night when he left home. It was Friday. He was unemployed. No temporary assignments had come in. So he had been sitting here, reviewing the events of his life. He had been living in the city for three months. He hadn't wanted to come here. But it was foretold by the Voice in New York. He would come to San Francisco, where he would have to face Mindset. He feared Mindset. It was a dark entity of enormous power, sort of a collective of all things that had been discarded during the first creations. Mindset was the Ancient Ones' shadows. Tears still came easily. Though Roland had welcomed him into his home, the transition had been roughed. As he dried his tears, he summoned a Scribe Angel to make a journal entry in his Book of the Soul. He dictated telepathically.

"The price I paid to walk into the Unknown was that I almost died; and yet, I did.

I almost lost my mind completely and realize it was Ego that I was holding onto.

I had to confess my inner most sins for everyone in a parallel Earth to hear, things Lazarus was too never know.

I don't want to speak the truth but I must. If I can help someone not make the same mistake, I will but I question, is it really my concern? Yet, maybe someone will learn something of themselves when they hear my story of how my Soul has been enslaved and sold over and over again.

Also, how I handled the revelation that I am Primordial being.

I will talk about how I was banished from Heaven, and how I felt unworthy of God's love not realizing this was not the true creator.

I have lived a material life because it seemed easier than believing in something that I could not hold onto or given concrete evidence. I am an alien deity having a human experience.

My wanting was simple: I just wanted somebody to love me.

This was when I went through the judgment of the Adversary, who was once the Dreamseller but in this incarnation as a composite being, he was representing the Victim and the Judge. You cannot bargain with the Victim and The Judge and win. Part of my soul was sentence to hell. I could not go into the light while believing I failed the Children of the Light; or not knowing my failure was part of a greater plan but it will be years before the pieces came together.

Once again, I was a consort to the Dragon and this is a story for another time.

And still, I begged for my Father's forgiveness and prayed to forfeit my life. There was no answer. I failed as the Chosen One, though voices proclaimed I was ‘The Way.' I felt insignificant in the scheme of creation. Even with the flapping of my butterfly wings, I felt my wave of light would not join the greater Wave.

Who will believe that one day I will merge my Soul with The Thing to fight monsters that are imprisoned in an alien world and will awake and attempt to enter this world? I can already hear the song that will awaken The Thing stirring in me.