CHAPTER 24

These rooms are in my mind, spinning and twisting like wormholes, openings turning into rooms, cities, places of institutionalized madness. These are my spaces, my private hells where I go when I need to take the wig off and be real. This room is like a bus stop in madness. It's where I climax fantasizes and have been raped by memories. It's a place where I'm picked to pieces by unseen hands. I've been like a child sitting in a womb screaming, “Turn on the light it is dark in here.”

Maybe when I step out of this memory, you'll find my mind in your pants, a nameless body sailing out through a sixty second climax, becoming the woman in me, giving up my business for the touch of a man's hand.

I step into another room.

I'm in a church. I am sitting on a pew. I'm setting the scene for the thinking impaired. Dirty water is up to my ankles. Human refuse - okay shit - is cruising by in multi-colored outfits. My confusion is always in color. A cross hangs on a wall, it's bleeding. A statue of the Black Madonna walks around the empty church pews crying. She knows she cannot find sanctuary in these constructs that takes prayers to their dark masters. A dove is beating his wings against barb wire fencing that is over the stained glass windows. I am alone in the church. I hold a bible that drips blood and I am looking like a Saturday night woman. Mother is fierce....and again, without a man....and tripping. When journeying through the madness, there's no wrong way or right way....I am on a Mad.

-- Unpublished journal entry

Daniel: Haven't seen you around in awhile.

Michael: Just been wandering around. I have crucified myself on so many experiences.

Daniel: It is a learned thing. Standing in one place for so long makes me jittery.

Michael thumbs through some of the comics lying on the blanket.

Michael: So how's business?

Daniel: Still sell enough comics to take a dance class.

Michael: I don't know how you do it.

Daniel: A day at a time man, just a day at a time.

Michael: The uncertainty frightens me.

Daniel: You find out you don't need as much you think you do.

Michael: I'm sorry we haven't connected for awhile. My head feels like it is in a taffy pull.

Daniel: We had fun. Leave it at that. I'm here when you need me. And you know where I hangout at night; in case you are out walking.

Michael: I felt myself breaking down so many barriers, it frightened me.

Daniel: Neither one of us is normal. That's what is so great; we see the world as it is. You are frightened. I see it; but it doesn't own you; don't let it put you back to sleep. We found each other.

Michael: I like our conversations. And I like seeing you dance.

Daniel: We'll do it again when you're ready.

Michael: You know you can always crash with me if you need to.

Daniel: I like being out here; the freedom, no expectations. And sometimes I like slipping in and out of reality.

Michael: Not ready to let go yet. I'm still clinging on to everything. But I still feel like I'm sinking.

Daniel hands him a comic book.

Michael: I can't.

Daniel: It's one of your favorites. It's when Storm goes home after losing her powers but she doesn't realize she hasn't lost them; they are buried deep and she just has to learn how to access them.

Michael takes the comic.

Michael: I think I forgot how to access my selves.

Daniel: You will when the time comes.

Michael: You did help me to find a few.

Daniel: For now we are opposites.

They looked deep into each other's eyes. For a moment they saw the universe spiraling upward.

Daniel: We are each other's trigger.

Michael: So many dark rooms I live in where I am huddled in a corner.

Daniel: But you are bringing light; you are seeing your way out.

Michael: My friends think I'm flipping out. I never told them about you…about us…our ecstatic communion. You broke me through to the other side; but I was afraid to stay there.

Daniel took Michael's hand and caressed it.

Daniel: You can no longer stand in the wings, it is time you take the world stage; you will play out many dramas to heal the ancient stories.

Michael felt a warm flow between them. They looked intensely into each other's eyes. The world seemed to melt away. He felt like they were standing on a mountain looking down at the world below.

 

Michael: I feel alone, isolated, shrinking and I fear I'll become non-existent.

Daniel: We took on this assignment to take on these wounds to anchor light.

Michael: I am lost like them.

Daniel: You are immersed in the game; now it is time to no longer be a pawn.

Michael: How long have I been sleeping in this human form?

Daniel: Long enough.

The landscape shimmered and the world recreated itself around them and they both were standing on a street in the West Village. Daniel had a blanket on the ground and there were various comic book titles, worn out fiction books and odds and ends he was selling. Several large bags with clothes were at the Daniel's feet. Michael was sitting next to him holding hands.

 

Michael: You always do take me out of my mind.

Daniel: We have stayed in the mind of the adversaries too long.

Michael: They don't want me here.

Daniel: Good. That means you are doing your job. You are an ancient wound. You will suffer a collective wound now.

Michael: I will not see you again, will I?

Daniel: You will not see me again in this form. When we see each other again we both will know joy. Remember. Don't let time be a straitjacket for you. It is the time to become the wounded healer. You are The Door. You are The Way. It is time to rise from the grave.

They kissed. The world around them shimmered. He no longer had the feeling of being extinct, giving up identity, and he was no longer merged with The Daniel as he felt them separate physically. Michael stood up. Tears were in his eyes. His feet were hurting. Michael hadn't bathed in days. But his smell though ripe now began to smell like roses. He had the smell of the Beloved and not the world. His clothes were rumpled. He started walking. In his head he heard The Daniel saying, “Death becomes Life.” Michael turned and looked back and The Daniel was gone. Where he was sitting with books was only a trash can and boxes filled with debris that was too be picked up by sanitation workers. He mumbled to himself, “The space between when we no longer embrace is the ancient wound, an ancient eye that has become an archetypal game board.” Sighs. “I am not free of opposites.”