CHAPTER 21

I read somewhere an interesting phrase about the dragon being restless in its squared circle. Squaring of life is causing the wound in man to fester.

-- Lost passage from The Michael Memoirs

There was a flash of light within Michael's mind pulling him away from his waking dream. The pain of his penetration was a hot searing pain in my ass. Matthew hadn't used enough lube when he entered. Voices peeled from walls inside my mind. I heard the voice of my Father then I heard the voices of others, proclaiming to be my Fathers. Fathers from others lives, other realities, other dimensions, all calling my name but one voice seem to swallow them all and spoke to me. It was me from another reality.

"My father called me Bright Eyes when he was fucking me. It reminds me of that line from a song, "Turn around Bright Eyes." In the video while the star is singing, the young boys' eyes light up. They all looked possessed. Made me think of that movie "Children of the Damned"

Did my father know something I didn't know?

This is what my father said to me the first time he was using words to bait me into his bed, "You have your mother's eyes, not her mouth, fate wouldn't be so cruel, but her eyes, deep, alluring, like a voice beckoning one to swim in the ocean, but there's no fear of drowning, yet alluring eyes are deceptive. I see the way you prance around here half naked, attempting to excite these boys who have no inkling about the intricacies of manhood, or how to please a woman. You don't want someone fumbling around, frustrating you the first time. There is a lot of your mother in you, I can see that. You have her walk. I don't think you realize that you are a younger version of her, as if I had another chance to make things right. Your mother was always fiery in her mannerisms, her style.

She was not one for taming.

She led you to believe she could be ridden and tamed, could be harnessed, but no man can capture a storm, take shelter and pray to god he is not blown away. She is like that with me, with other men. She leaves your senses scattered to the wind. But you won't be like that. You have her eyes. Not her fire. But I can see where men would take advantage of you, if you didn't know how to please a man. You need to know how to tame his beastly nature. If the animal is not tamed, it is savage when it is feeding time. Your mother's eyes will not protect you.

She had a mouth that would burn the devil in hell but also that mouth could please a man in many ways. But you, your words are apologetic; sometimes they have a sound of a small waif pleading for a crust of bread. Your voice is so soothing and like a gentle caress. It must be like music and rise like a crescendo in that one special moment. But you don't know about that special moment yet. It is a moment men strive for with a woman.

Yet, you're not a woman but on the threshold. You need someone to lead you through the doorway. A first experience can mar you for life if it is not pleasing. You might fear men, fear women. It would be such a waste for men. That's why I am concerned. You have your mother's eyes, but there is no fortress in your demeanor to protect you. Your clothes are an invitation for your personal destruction. I cannot have that scenario played out. I cannot allow the savagery of men to destroy a seed who has not truly kissed the sun. I want you to know the full range of your emotions but in a temperate manner not like your mother.

She bronco likes a wild stallion. A man's bed for her was just another wilderness to be explored, to be conquered. She conquered me, your mother.

Sometimes I think it's the only way I could handle women, let them feel like they were the man. Women like that want to be men, the power they don't have. They think the penis can write their will upon the winds of creation. Having a dick is like a leak that can't be fixed. It reminds me of a balloon slowly losing air from a small leak.

Men actually fear women, did you know that Bright Eyes. It's like death for a man coming inside of a woman.

She takes and takes and returns back to the world what she chooses within a child. She never knows what demons are harbored in that child until a certain age. What denied emotions are taking form? It's like you go in one way and you come out another way, like a waste product or her sword against her enemies. Her sword in all its manifestations is still death. She takes life in her, dies in one form, and is born in another.

You, Bright Eyes, are a harbor of death but it doesn't have to be that way. You could have your pleasure without bringing forth your anger, your weapon. I could show you ways to have your pleasure, and give it to others without bringing that death fear into their eyes."