CHAPTER TWO

 

Michael gave himself spiritually to New York for a rebirth though it was a running joke with his friends that he was "the last whore" or "the black hole".

There have been several aborted beginnings; but eventually, this beginning was fertile. It began with a psychic reading that involved his ex-boyfriend, Lazarus and his longing for a spiritual life.

Lazarus and Michael sat in a spacious New York apartment that was under renovation listening to his friend Marie's tarot reading. This was a weekend in New York, a romantic getaway when Michael visited Lazarus who moved to Washington, D.C. within three days after telling Michael. He never bothered to tell Michael he had been considering a job in another city. It was his way of declaring his independence from his family who did not know he was gay.

The apartment they were camping in was currently being renovated so there was almost no furniture, mostly just boxes to sit on. The heat had been turned off. Sheets covered the window. Large paper cups of coffee were keeping them warm. They would be camping out there for two nights. A friend of a friend of a friend had told them they could bunk there since the owners were out of town for several weeks and the painters wouldn't arrive for a few days.

Marie lays a gypsy card on the table. "I see you two moving to New York, in fact you both will do well living together," she said seriously. Her tone was not as delicate as it normally is. "Don't worry about the things that will be Michael, you will survive." Lazarus moved uncomfortably. "One will move here in two months, the other will move here by late summer."

"Are we going to be just roommates," Michael asked? Marie shuffled the cards. Lazarus looked away. He didn't really believe in this. It was fascinating to him but nothing you could plant a seed and expect a tree to sprout. He sat quietly within himself afraid of the tension scratching at Lazarus's voice. Michael knew deep within it was over; but if they were away from Lazarus's family, his white bread friends, and they were alone in an unfriendly city, they could possibly find an island they would build for themselves away from everyone else's influences.

"You'll be lovers of course," Marie said.

Lazarus sat back on the couch. There was no smile on his face. There was a distant look. Michael wanted to assure him there wasn't a noose around his neck. The breakup wasn't easy. Lazarus wanted to sample 'possibilities.'

Michael's sole being then was represented within Lazarus. It was a mistake but he never understood what love meant. Michael was tired of being an ugly duckling, an outcast. He had been mishandled all his life by others who claim they represented the best interest of his heart. Lazarus had brought a smile, laughter and adventure.

"We're only friends now," Lazarus quipped.

Marie responded quickly, "I see you as lovers. Nevertheless, you'll find a large apartment, and I see a child."

He laughed or giggled. "Are we having one together or adopting? Maybe we'll find a basket in a stream."

Marie didn't seem amused. "All I can say is this child will affect many people. It has great power like you Michael."

A strange feeling passed over Michael but he dismissed it quickly. He recalled a prior reading with Marie's friend who was into Santeria, his name was Alejandro. He had done his reading with corral shells. He told Michael that he would suffer some emotional problems, he and Lazarus would accomplish something special in life and that a great destiny awaited him.

Marie rambled on as Michael's thoughts shifted gears. Lazarus was an answered prayer. They had been lovers off and on for five years. They broke up and date for two years. Everything important always seemed to be in the back of his mind until he and Lazarus were back together as a couple. Until then, nothing and no one else mattered in life. Every thought, action and movement reflected a deep seated conviction they were going to be a couple but that seemed only in imagination.

"But what if we decide not be lovers," Lazarus asked?

"I see you as lovers. No matter what you want to call it, I still see you as lovers."

Lazarus crossed his arms not hiding his annoyance with the reading. He hadn't wanted it but he knew Michael had a strong interest in the paranormal. His face could not curtain his true feelings. Yes, he was still attracted to Michael, but Michael was his first boyfriend, also his first black boyfriend and now sexual opportunities were presenting themselves in life, he didn't know if he wanted to be obvious about his lifestyle. Plus, there was a possibility of a new job with a recognized advertising company that would involve overseas travel. He had lost a few pounds and was starting to look like a cover model. Why should he be strapped down in a relationship? It's not like Michael was 'the end all and be all.'

There was an undercurrent charging the room that Michael picked up but did not want to analyze. Lazarus had to be led quietly into the fact they were destined to be forever. "It's just a reading. It's fun. You don't have to take these things seriously. It's an outline, a blueprint. Everyone pilots their own ship." He tried to make light of a truth he wanted to bring into creation.

Hours later. Michael feigned sleep though sex was on his mind. His mind was always in a tug of war 'should I touch or should I not touch, ask for a kiss or take a kiss.' They made idle chit less chat.

Michael. "The restaurant wasn't what I expected for New York. It was meat and potato. The Host acted like I was a terrorist when we walked in."

"Paranoid again," Lazarus said while hanging a sheet up to the window. He was standing on top of the radiator while doing this. The master bedroom had a queen size bed, no sheets, so they used sleeping bags on top of the bed. A worn out love seat was by the window, two broken lamps sat in a corner, no curtains on the master bedroom windows due to its state of renovation, so Lazarus had found some faded blue cotton sheets on the floor of the closet.

"You never want to take a look at anything. You just want to hide behind a limited mind. Take the money and run!"

Here we go again Lazarus thought as he struggled trying to get the bed sheet hooked on a nail he was hammering in with a shoe.

He undressed quietly rummaging through the rest of the conversation. Maybe I am being a bit upset but it all seems eyes are upon every movement I make, every time I steal a look of love at Lazarus, it's caught and I get a non-verbal reprimand from him as if he is a stranger. "New York is an interesting city to walk through. Never know where your next mugging is coming from. So what do you think we, I mean you, could find everlasting happiness in New York." There was a long pause.

Looking at the sheet, "That should stay up at least for the night."

"Hate for the world to look in at us," said Michael as he got into bed naked.

Lazarus said nothing as he picked up a magazine from the floor that neither one of them would pick up in a lifetime. "Will the light bother you?"

"No, I could always sleep with the lights on."

Lazarus read. He slept uncomfortable. Marie's prophetic words were rocking him to sleep. "You have a great power in you." All he could think of was how empty he felt.