SCENE ONE - OFFICE - AFTERNOON

Jane is sitting in a chair. She is badly bruised, wearing a nightgown that is ripped. Henry is watching her attentively. He is sitting on the edge of a desk.

The room is brightly lit. It has a warm cozy homelike feeling to it; though it is an office. From the window, one can see trees and a clear sky.

HENRY

You okay.

JANE

I was...I was...

HENRY

I know.

JANE

Is this a hospital?

HENRY

No.

JANE

Where am I?

HENRY

You're dead.

JANE

No.

HENRY

Yeah.

JANE

I don't remember dying.

HENRY

Your fourth husband was beating you.

JANE

I remember.

HENRY

He killed you.

JANE

He kept hitting me, I ran, he caught me.

HENRY

And now we caught you.

JANE

Where am I?

HENRY

You're in Heaven.

JANE

Heaven? Me. Wow.

HENRY

You die, you go to Heaven.

JANE

Gee, I thought...

HENRY

You'll be fine. It's all weird the first few minutes.

JANE

I still remember the pain, the suffocating and there was no bright light just...

HENRY

You're fine.

JANE

I know you.

HENRY

Yes.

JANE

You're someone I met before.

HENRY

Yeah.

JANE

Henry?

HENRY

Good memory.

JANE

Well, we...

HENRY

It's okay.

JANE

I look a mess.

HENRY

You'll be okay soon.

JANE

I don't feel dead. I feel more alive now.

HENRY

You'll see it is better here. It's a bit of an adjustment shedding the physical senses. You'll learn they were such a hindrance.

JANE

Doesn't seem like the version of Heaven I expected.

HENRY

This place is an Adjustment Center for new arrivals. Even here there is a corporate structure.

JANE

You were never a corporate type.

HENRY

Neither were you.

JANE

I had my charities and social obligations.

HENRY

I remember.

Jane is a bit embarrassed with how Henry is looking at her.

JANE

So what am I suppose to do?

HENRY

Now it's about leisure, relaxing and studying.

JANE

Study! I was never the book type.

HENRY

You'd be surprised what you learn about yourself.

JANE

My life's major was men.

HENRY

Yes, you had four husbands.

JANE

Four husbands who were lemons.

HENRY

You made a lot of lemonade from their money.

Neither one of them notices the room dimming slightly.

JANE

Not everyone can be interesting. Men wanted the body not my mind.

HENRY

We survive the best way we can.

JANE

This is just so weird. I'm dead. You're here. Just need to put all this into perspective. I feel a bit lost.

HENRY

You're home now.

JANE

That little brief moment between us, I'm sorry it ended badly.

HENRY

Your husband killed you - that ended badly.

JANE

See, that's what I mean. I never pick the right man.

HENRY

You're looks were fading.

JANE

(Defensive) I had plastic surgery. I did what he wanted.

HENRY

He always had a temper.

JANE

He used to be nice. He gave me everything. Then he began to smell. Then he started acting strange. I caught him talking to someone who wasn't there.

HENRY

He saw dead people.

JANE

Well, he talked to someone more than me.

HENRY

It's hard to understand anything that is not considered normal.

JANE

I'm surprised to see you.

HENRY

I knew you were coming that's why I wanted to be the one to greet you.

JANE

After the things I said to you in that motel room, you're the last man I'd expect to see.

HENRY

Words hurt if you let them.

JANE

So, have you seen God? Is God a man or woman, neither, something different? Do I get to meet God? Damn, what should I wear? So, is Heaven all it's supposed to be? When do I get to look around? Hope I can get a better looking outfit.

HENRY

I think we'll let you discover the answers.

JANE

Told you I'm not good at the brain thing, looking good, making a man feel good.

HENRY

You will be surprised how expectations can be fulfilled here.

JANE

Everything seems normal but it's not.

HENRY

It's a bit to get use to. Well, there's the preliminary interview, which is what we are doing.

JANE

Okay. So is this going to be twenty questions?

HENRY

You'll stay here awhile at the Center. I asked to be your Helper.

JANE

You always were the knight in shining armor and I always made you stand in the rain.

HENRY

We had our fun.

JANE

You were the best.

HENRY

You are loved here.

JANE

Surprised, I'm here. I've always took what I wanted. I never wanted leftovers. Never said I was sorry. I am definitely not a candidate for sainthood.

HENRY

I was no perfect angel.

JANE

Well, with this body and the sex drive we both had, who would want to be good.

HENRY

I learned to late that I should have tried harder for what I want.

JANE

You are a good man. I didn't realize then.

HENRY

We are not strapped down to bad memories.

JANE

I do remember taking a gun out of the dresser and shooting him. We struggled and...so is he here?

HENRY

Everyone comes here.

JANE

What? What about hell?

HENRY

Heaven and Hell are mental constructs.

JANE

So what happens to killers, rapist, politicians, priest, people who run red lights, and hairstylist who cut your hair to short.

HENRY

Let's just say we're characters in a drama. We all play the parts assigned to us.

JANE

So that sonofabitch who killed me will end up here. There is no fucking justice.

HENRY

The rules are different. We just didn't know that Heaven is a state of mind.

JANE

All the time I asked for forgiveness when I cursed out some asshole, told bartenders to kiss my ass, cheated on my husbands and now I find out I had carte blanche to push the bitch button to a higher level. Well, these breasts have secured me a great income.

HENRY

I always liked your breast.

JANE

And you got a lot of mileage out of them.

HENRY

Yes I know.

JANE

I had to marry; preferable for money. I didn't want people think I was a whore.

HENRY

I never thought that.

JANE

We were the two ships passing in the night.

HENRY

I anchored down into that memory.

JANE

Sometimes at night, I thought I could feel your presence.

HENRY

I have a confession to make. I have visited you at night.

JANE

What?

HENRY

You were like a bird with a broken wing. I wanted to help you fix that broken wing.

JANE

Well, there were times, he'd fall asleep grunting and snoring after he would finish fucking me. I'd touch myself and think about you.

HENRY

I know; I could feel it.

JANE

So do they have sex in Heaven?

HENRY

Everything is allowed here.

JANE

Really!

HENRY

Yes, really.

JANE

You know I thought my family would greet me.

HENRY

Your family felt it was better if I met you first.

JANE

Do I still need to have issues with my mother here? Did my Father even join in this discussion since he abandoned me at five? Bet my brother still has that guilty face for taking my innocence. (Beat) Funny, it doesn't bother me you knowing how soiled the sheets are. I'm not proud of my life but I did what I needed to do to survive, get myself away from that loser family. I'm a user, I admit it. Hell, I know you can see it. But now, I'm in Heaven. I'm all right with God and God's all right with me.

HENRY

You will find you can be whoever you want to be, act anyway you want to act and no one will stick a label on you. This place is not about judgment or labeling. It's about expressing everything about yourself. Everything you denied and you put away into crevices in your mind, can now have full expression. We can have sex any way that gives you pleasure.

JANE

So is sex even better here?

HENRY

Yes.

JANE

Really?

HENRY

Good cannot describe what you will get here.

JANE

Shit, maybe I should have been dead sooner. Didn't mean that God.

HENRY

It's okay.

JANE

So does God hear everything?

HENRY

Everything is an open book.

JANE

There are a few chapters I'd rather no one read.

HENRY

You are in a guilt free zone.

JANE

Why do we even bother being alive in that cesspool world if this place is the cat's meow?

HENRY

How could you ever appreciate this place if you hadn't had a human body?

JANE

I can't wait to let my hair down.

HENRY

Be prepared to receive more joy than you ever have.

JANE

Damn. Sorry, God.

HENRY

There's nothing you can say that will offend God. It's our limited perceptions that become offensive. We offend ourselves not God.

JANE

Great.

HENRY

So good to see you.

JANE

Likewise. I've been going on and on about me and haven't asked you about your life before you died. What's happening here for you,

(Suggestively)

What could happen now?

HENRY

I never stopped thinking about you.

JANE

Did you marry?

HENRY

I married some frigid woman. She'd rather cook than have sex. Had a few flings with whores. One of them gave me AIDS. Wife put me out. Got fired from my job. Decided to fuck everyone without protection.

JANE

Wow. Good thing God is forgiving.

HENRY

One of these stupid bitches filed a lawsuit against me when she got infected. I was arrested. But I had a clever lawyer and got out on a technicality.

JANE

Didn't you care how you were hurting others?

HENRY

Did you care about the wounds you were creating in others?

JANE

I didn't have a problem.

HENRY

I am addicted to you.

JANE

Get over it.

HENRY

Had to get any kind of fix but nothing came close to you.

JANE

That was then.

HENRY

I started doing any and everything. Stuff shit up the nose, shit in my arms, crap in the mouth, and death up the ass.

JANE

It's all behind you. Now, you look great. We're both are over the shitty part of our lives.

HENRY

I hated you.

JANE

What?

HENRY

I hate you.

JANE

We're in Heaven. You can't hate in Heaven.

HENRY

You were just another disease that inhabited me. No disease is a welcome memory.

JANE

Fuck you.

HENRY

No, fuck you.

Janet steps back afraid.

JANE

You need to leave.

HENRY

You are such a devouring whore.

JANE

Don't talk to me like that.

HENRY

What are you going to do? Spank me? I like my ass being smacked when I'm fucking.

JANE

I'm not fucking you or anybody else.

HENRY

You don't have a choice.

JANE

Who is in charge here?

HENRY

You always were a simple bitch.

JANE

I preferred you better when you were on a leash.

HENRY

This is not about you.

JANE

Yes, it is. I want to talk to your superior. I don't want you for a Helper.

HENRY

Listen up Princess. Remember those nights when you thought you were dreaming a dream lover that was feeling me up. I was fucking you in your dreams! When you complained like he smelled like a rat had died in the wall, it was because my presence had overshadowed him. So it was me hitting you through your husband. It was me calling you every name but a child of God.

JANE

No, this is not how it is supposed to be.

HENRY

You accepted my personal invitation.

JANE

No.

HENRY

I was only good enough for you to fuck in some motel room. You're just another rich bitch wanting to play in the mud.

JANE

You were paid well for your services.

HENRY

You liked me.

JANE

I like shoes to but everything goes out of style.

HENRY

When I was in you, you were so primal, so bestial.

JANE

I don't want to hear this.

HENRY

You can't fuck me and throw me aside.

JANE

When something is used up, you throw out the trash.

HENRY

One man's trash is another man's treasure.

JANE

I'm leaving.

HENRY

Every door here leads back to me.

The room takes on a darker quality.

JANE

What's going on?

HENRY

I gave you the ticket here. You accepted the ride.

JANE

You haven't done shit. My husband killed me because of an affair I was having.

HENRY

Your husband was talking to a dead man. Me. I told him about your motel room rendezvous. He didn't like the competition.

JANE

Oh God.

HENRY

I am your God!

Henry approaches her but she backs away. They circle each other like animals ready to attach and defend.

JANE

God wouldn't do this to me.

HENRY

God doesn't have a damn thing to do with this. You create your own reality. I just assisted with how you would construct it. You gave me incentive, gave me power since you misused your sexual energy. You became my personal power source. I have only one thing to say Princess, I like being a trash collector.

BLACKOUT

THE END